idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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