So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
