the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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