their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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