Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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