sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
