1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
