just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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