I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
