So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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