Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
