I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
