Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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