OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
