She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
