Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
