if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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