im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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