I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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