Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
