Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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