well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
