Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
