My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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