i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
