I could make wine with my vomit
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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