look no pants
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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