now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
