He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
