I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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