Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
