Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
