Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
His nipple licking is glorious
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