plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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