Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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