how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
