K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
