Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
