I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
