forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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