apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
