The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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