a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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