mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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