Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
