sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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