I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
