She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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