I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
