i just wanna soil my oats bro
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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