i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
