my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
