is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
